Hot and bothered.

June 16, 2010 at 11:42 am 1 comment

It’s like freaky crazy weird humid here right now, and I think my core temp is 103. Except I don’t have that feeling of being COLD that comes with a fever.

When we lived in Arizona, our air conditioning unit was like the size of a small shed and super powerful. Like SuperA/C. Plus the house was a ranch, so I could get it COLD. Here, we have this anemic wheezy air conditioning unit — two actually; one for upstairs and one for downstairs — and they’re both pathetic. Before we had our windows tinted — thank you, last year’s tax refund! — I couldn’t keep the upstairs below 80 in the afternoons. Our windows face all east and west. Now I can get it to 78, which is acceptable but 76 is really preferable.

I know the summer will pass. It’s already mid-June. Keep watching this blog few a few months and you’ll soon read rants about how I’m turning into an icicle.

Wii points out that I’m a tad grouchy lately. To which I reply, What the eff are you talking about someone being grouchy?!?!? Who is grouchy???? I am not grouchy!!!! How dare you!!!!

There’s also the small situation of my latest asstivities:

First a recap –

1. I got an anal fissure while on vacation in Dis*ney. It really hurt and I had it surgically repaired while in Florida by a doctor who clearly received his surgery credentials from the University of Phoenix.

2. It didn’t heal well. Maybe it didn’t heal at all. I don’t know — it hurt for way longer than it should have, and I was on painkillers for a month.

3. I kept going to Dr. Assy McSweetcheeks (aka Rob Lowe, MD) and he kept promising that I just needed another week.

4. Finally, last week, I went in and saw him again and he told me I have… DRUMROLL… an anal fistula.

I honestly can’t really explain it — something about a bacteria-and-necrotic-tissue-filled tunnel. In my butt. I was so absolutely horrified when Dr. Assy McSweetcheeks told me, I didn’t even think to ask any intelligent questions. I just wanted to crawl out of my (totally completely disgusting) body.

I think the main issue I have with my anal fistula is that it sounds like something you get from too much fisting and… ew. Can’t they just call it a bacteria-and-necrotic-tissue-filled tunnel in my butt? That is trying to make its escape via my sphincter muscle? I’d really prefer that to something with the same root word as FISTING. Shudder.

I’m having surgery to have it repaired, but not til after we get back from our family vacation. Because, as My Chemical Romance points out, I heal at a glacial pace and I want to enjoy our vacation. Complaining and all.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Smellyann  |  June 18, 2010 at 3:53 am

    Okay, first of all, OMG, you poor thing.

    Now that we have that crap out of the way, OMG, you are fucking hilarious. “Asstivities”??? I nearly spit out my water. And the whole penultimate paragraph… Geez. You kill me.

    Poor ass.

    Reply

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About Mommy Soup

Wife and homeschooling mom of five, including my Christmas Day homebirth baby. Not Catholic, Amish, or quiverfull; we just like to... you know!

Writing about my interests: natural pregnancy and birth; attachment parenting; cooking; baking; homeschooling; green living; human rights; child passenger safety; dog training, and life after weight-loss surgery.

In my free time I try to figure out how I can promote world peace while wasting time on Facebook.

NaNoWriMo 2010

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